Regress, re-program, repent
My son’s teacher emailed me this morning to ask if there was anything unusual going on at home because today he engaged in some behavior that was way, way, way over and done with, so far away in the past when he was a power-struggling three-year-old, and now he’s almost five, and growing in leaps and bounds….
he is screaming? hitting? freaking out at preschool?
WHAT is going on?
No, there’s nothing unusual going on at home. In fact, it’s been a great week at home. Our eldest has excelled in swim lessons twice this week and he’s super excited because - in fact – he is learning how to swim! Watching him jump and bob in and beneath and over the cool water of an indoor pool guided by a young, engaging teacher has been pure delight.
How can I make it better? How can I make it easier? How can I teach my baby-turned-big boy to release his demons in a healthier and less dramatic way?
Hours from the incident, things were probably just fine at school, and the one of his teachers indicated that he found his way out of an angry patch. But in the meantime, I had to continue working when all I wanted to do was run to my car and go to him, pick him up, and hug him to pieces.
At home, I didn’t scold or even question much. It’s not that helpful to belabour the process with extended inquiry. Anyway, I already knew what provoked him – something ridiculously simple that generally isn’t a big deal, but for some unknown reason it was today.
He didn’t get to sit in the chair that he wanted to at lunchtime.
I didn’t go too deeply into that.
Instead I brought him home, looked in his eyes, and opened my arms.
And I listened.
Listened with my head, and listened with my heart.
Because I’m a mama warrior. I am heart and strength and defense and compassion and challenge — all in one body, one mind. It is my job to protect, teach, defend, grow. I think I’ll form a group of mama warriors — because I know there are a lot of us out there.
Though he didn’t say anything too revealing during our dialog, that’s ok.
Hitting (even when provoked) is not ok, of course, and I presented that in a very clear manner.
But mostly I let him know that he is loved, and it’s ok to be mad, but you’ve gotta figure out a way to deal with it in a Buddha like way.
Or if you must be Rocky – punch a pillow.
Either way, I missed my baby-turned-big boy today, and I questioned the whole working mom thing.