these monday moments

I am feeling anxious. I have so much to do! At home. At work. At home. How can it possibly be the 21st of November? Aaahhhh!

I am feeling rushed. Although I got up at the relatively (for me) decent hour of 6:45 am, the morning did not go smoothly. Last night was my eldest’s first night in the top bunk of brand new bunk beds built by his father. They are pretty awesome, and both boys were delighted by the new big boy furniture. Big brother slept great, but refused to come down to get dressed before breakfast, therefore starting off a Monday morning on an unfortunate note. Little brother woke up multiple times throughout the night, causing general sleeplessness on my part and lots and lots of crying on his.

I hate to fast forward through his toddlerhood, but, for the love of all that’s good and holy, am I sometimes ready for him to turn four (he’s one).

I am feeling eager. Eager to join close friends in a few days for the holiday. Eager to get on a plane next weekend to spend five nights with my parents and my sister and her sweet baby girl. Eager to celebrate a dear friend’s daughter’s 5th birthday knowing it seems like only yesterday when she came to meet us for the first time, just a few weeks old.

I am feeling contemplative. Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries are beginning to blend together, mixing into a vast kettle of memories that get stirred up and bubble over in my mind, which makes it hard for me to focus on the present.

I am feeling settled. I’ve lived in the same city for over six years and the same house for over five. The things in our home are familiar and worn, too worn. I long for a bit more space to call our own, and I long to travel again, and yet I am comfortable knowing all the nooks and corners of our dark purple house and knowing it isn’t our forever home.

I am feeling ambitious. I want to wrap and cook and decorate and light candles every night. By consensus, I’m not allowed to start the playing Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving, and it’s so tempting, knowing that we have this amazing play list of 94 holidays tunes ready to go on the I-pod.

I am feeling grateful. My cup overfloweth with love, joy, and yes, tears. Life continues to be filled with moments, extraordinary and ordinary, familiar and strange, beautiful and sad.

This holiday season, I will strive to be less anxious and avoid being swept along with the madding crowd. I will celebrate the moments that warm my heart and fill my soul. I will try not to fret when nobody smiles for the camera, and know I will always have those sweet smiles, unpracticed, just for me, when there is nary a camera in sight. I will lift a glass in sweet memory of those we have lost, and for those who are about to join us in the world. I will hug my children until they can’t take it anymore. I will tell my husband how crazy I am about him, and how I wouldn’t change a thing. I will say thank you, thank you and thank you, each and every day.

I am feeling blessed.

Today I am linking up with Just.Be.Enough.
Whose writing prompt for the week was:

I am feeling… (inspired by a Soleil Moonfrye tweet)